A PLACE TO EXPLORE IDEAS
AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS
Step 1: Nutrition (Natural Treatment Protocols for 7 Hormonal Conditions)
Step 2: Self Acupressure & Yoga (4 Instructional Videos to Thicken the Uterine Lining)
Step 3: Mindfulness Meditation (2 Audio Meditations to Reduce Stress and Depression)
Your Fertility Story
Your fertility story is the very foundation of the Mindful Fertility process.
Even if you’ve done tons of therapy, as you pursue your longing for a child, as your vulnerability increases, as you heal, change your behavior, change your state of consciousness, at every new level of growth and expansion, it’s your fertility story that determines your “success” because the image of a successful cycle is held in your implicit memory – deep in your sub-conscious mind.
Bringing it into consciousness can be the first critical step in overcoming obstacles to conceiving and carrying to term.
I want to write today about what I mean by your fertility story.
What do I mean by that?
Your fertility story is what your Mom thought about fertility, what your Dad thought about fertility, what was their fertility story? What did your church think about fertility, your body, your role as a woman? What about your culture? What does your doctor think about your fertility? What does your doctor think about your ability to heal? Your body? Your diagnosis? Your prognosis?
Has anyone in your family (parents or in-laws) had miscarriages, abortions, did anyone get pregnant as a teenager, in college?
Has anyone in your family given a child up for adoption? Adopted a child?
Has anyone in your family (parents, grandparents, in-laws) ever had challenges conceiving? Any of your friends? Any of your partner’s friends?
Here’s how deep I want you to get with this.
I want you to think about what your parents taught you about your success as a woman, what did they think about grandchildren, did they want grandchildren, did they talk to you about this when you were young? What did they think about illness, about healing, about your fertile power, about your sexuality as a young woman and now?
What is your fertility story?
What did you think about your fertile power as a child, teenager, young woman? Your ability to heal? Your body? Your sexuality? Menstruation? What did your parents think about your body, your sexuality, menstruation, birth control?
Growing up what did you think about your intuition? Your instincts? What did you think about your body? Were you taught to trust your body? Like your body? What did you feel about your sexual desire?
What did you feel you deserved as a child? Were your emotional needs met as a child? What did your parents think about vulnerability? Uncertainty? Fear?
All of these stories, these images, are the programs in your subconscious – on a deep, core level. These images are the implicit programs your nervous system operates from.
So it’s really important to identify any memories whatsoever, any conversations, any secrets, any taboos, any unknowns.
You have to go beneath the surface and really, really take a look at your familial, cultural, medical fertility story.
Because this is the program that’s going to keep showing up as you try to conceive, when the stress is high, during your two week wait, when you are doing an IVF cycle, when a cycle doesn’t result in a pregnancy, when you have a miscarriage, when you change your diet, when you change your behavior, when you begin to heal, when you make love, on transfer day, when someone asks if you have children…
Any time you take a step toward having a baby, healing, any time you try, this old program will pop up and it will run the show – largely because it’s held in your sub-conscious, in your reptilian brain – outside of your conscious awareness.
When you bring your fertility story into consciousness, you begin to start having a choice. You can actually slow down your automatic reaction, and stop running off of this implicit pattern.
If you’re aware of your fertility story at this level of depth, you’re going be able to start having a choice which means cultivating a different response.
You’re going to be able to activate a different neuro-pathway, that doesn’t go down the pathway of fear, or shame or powerlessness – that doesn’t go down the pathway of what you normally do.
It’s going to give you the opportunity to heal in the moment. In present time.
Your current reality begins in your childhood story, in those early formed years of what you believed about your body, your sexuality, your fertility, your period, your power, your power to heal, of what you feel like you deserved and quite simply if you felt like your needs were met; physical and emotional.
All of it begins there.
So the more thorough you are, the more of a blueprint you have of your fertility story, the more you’ll be able to break through your fertility blocks.
So dive deep and explore what is in your implicit memory, what hasn’t been acknowledged and what hasn’t been felt.
You have to release unconscious memories and feelings to build a new consciousness, a new fertile reality.
The first step is bringing into consciousness your fertility story.
All my very best, always,
One of the very first psychological processes that gets triggered while trying to conceive is self-doubt.
Most women and couples who earnestly begin to practice mind-body medicine, have found that analytical thinking and rational problem solving based on implicit dominant cultural ideas about the body; paradigms that use Newtonian physics to think about matter, paradigms informed by patriarchy, haven’t helped them solve the riddle of their symptoms.
On your journey to conceive you have no doubt become aware of at least one or two waves of despair rising and falling within you. At times you feel down, hopeless, uninspired and unable to find any meaning.
Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your desire for a child. It’s so human, to have some yearning in the heart, some longing for connection, to be met in presence, to be seen, to be heard, to be touched, to be held and to hold.
Let’s talk about the brain again. We know from the findings in neuroscience that the mental and emotional changes we can create through mindfulness are transformational at the very physical level of the brain. By developing the ability to focus our attention on our internal experience in the Mindful Fertility meditations, we are picking up a scalpel we can use to re-sculpt our neural pathways, stimulating growth of areas of the brain that are crucial to mental health and fertility.
When I began my work with Dr. Smikle, Reproductive Endocrinologist and Medical Director at Laurel Fertility Care, in SF, California, I felt the impulse to try to find the culprit, to try to fix “infertility” for men and women trying to conceive.