A PLACE TO EXPLORE IDEAS
AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS
ON FERTILITY

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Step 1: Nutrition (Natural Treatment Protocols for 7 Hormonal Conditions)
Step 2: Self Acupressure & Yoga (4 Instructional Videos to Thicken the Uterine Lining)
Step 3: Mindfulness Meditation (2 Audio Meditations to Reduce Stress and Depression)

“THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING AND POWERFUL PROGRAM.
THANK YOU, BUFFY.”
KRISTA

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Doing Mode vs Being Mode

There are many modes of mind. Doing mode is just one of the many modes in which the mind can work. We discussed doing mode in depth in this blog. Modes of mind are like different gears, each mode serves a different function or purpose.

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The Doing Mode of Mind

To solve the “problem” of fertility challenges, the mind usually works in certain predictable ways. It relies on a programmed mental routine to help us get things done – achieve goals, solve problems, change things to be more like we want them to be.

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A Meditation on Effort

For a long time we looked at the world and thought not. Then we looked at our lives and thought maybe. Now we are trying. We bought a new set of sheets for the bed. We bought a thermometer and a book.

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Male Factor? What you Need to Know.

Today I want to discuss male fertility. Some of you have male spouses and partners with fertile health challenges. But even if you do not, optimal sperm health is essential for peak fertility, so think of optimizing your chances of conceiving by having him follow these guidelines.

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Acceptance and Change

In psychotherapy there is an approach to relating to experience called radical acceptance. This approach is not unique to psychotherapy. It has roots in many philosophical and spiritual traditions.

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8 Infections that can be a Major Cause of Fertility Challenges

As we slow down, turn inward and truly listen to our bodies with mindfulness, we uncover less conscious or less symptomatic clues to our fertility. Asymptomatic infections can be a major cause of fertility challenges especially if you have been trying to conceive for a while without success or have had previous miscarriages.

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7 hormonal conditions affecting fertility

1. Estrogen Dominance / LOW Progesterone refers to the amount of estrogen in your bloodstream relative to progesterone. Our average progesterone to estrogen ration is 23 to 25x progesterone to 1 estrogen. On about Day 20 of our cycle our progesterone to estrogen ration increases to 200 to 300 times progesterone to estrogen. Estrogen dominance is a term coined by Dr. Lee in his book on natural progesterone. It describes a condition where a woman can have deficient, normal or excessive estrogen, but has little or no progesterone to balance its effects in the body.

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Hormonal Regulation of the Reproductive System

Today I am going to begin a month-long series on Hormonal Regulation of the Female Reproductive Cycle. Hormones, hormone regulation and hormone metabolism are all crucial components of fertility. What is important to understand is that you can have a profound effect on your hormones in just 3 months.

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Do not be afraid of loss

Do not be afraid of loss. “I am so not wanting to deal with infertility month after month and with doctors telling me I’ll never conceive with my own eggs. Tell me that I have a chance. Say that you can help me.”

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[FREE Videos] How to thicken the uterine lining naturally.

The work we do at the Mindful Fertility Project is comprehensive, and asks you to examine closely your physical AND psychological process. Sometimes you simply have to shift your physiology (change WHAT the mind is working on): for example; a thin uterine lining is caused by low estrogen, inadequate blood flow, poor health of the endometrial tissue, repeated use of clomid and long term birth control use containing progestin.

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An important fertility research survey.

I am writing to invite you to participate in an important fertility research study. It’s purpose is to gain a deeper understanding of how acceptance, mindfulness and coping impact couples’ relationships within the context of infertility.

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The essence of the fertility diet

The essence of the research on the fertility diet is that healthy eating for fertility is based on a natural, whole foods, plant based, anti-inflammatory diet that includes the following:

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A response to “Do you have children?”

I want to discuss the most fertile response to the question, “Do you have children?” (or any other question regarding the status of your couplehood, womanhood, procreative endeavors – solicited or otherwise)….

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National Infertility Awareness Week 2016

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week #NIAW in the United States. For one week, every year, the fertility community comes together formally to support and raise awareness for the women and men struggling to conceive – the 1 in 8 who long for a baby.

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An UNEXPECTED way to regulate blood sugar

The autonomic nervous system mediates the two main modes we exist in: survive or thrive. In general, the survive mode is mediated by the sympathetic branch of the ANS, and the thrive mode is mediated by the parasympathetic branch.

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Coloring Conception

COLORING CONCEPTION Stress Reduction for Fertility Success $17.97 USD This fertility coloring book offers poignant mandala designs and physiologically accurate images for you to color and make your own while trying to conceive. The images provide a relaxing way to...

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Open the Door

At the very center of the intensity of your feelings is your life force. Fear, grief and shame never give up. They are messengers of integration. And they are here to remind you of something you have been taught to deny.

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Without a story something can be born within you….

Can you be aware of your fertile reality without any story? Can you experience loss month after month without any story? Can you pursue your longing passionately, without any story? OTHERWISE, our attention focus is on our thinking. And predominantly while trying to conceive, our story feels life threatening.

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The most challenging question…

The most challenging question in the mind-body treatment of infertility is…. how do you de-activate the stress response WHILE experiencing, and in many instances anticipating, pain and loss? To answer this question I like to use a metaphor.

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Are you making Type 1 errors?

As human beings our ability to survive is not a result of our size or our ability to out-run predators. We have become a dominant species because of our opposable thumb (our ability to use tools), our fight or flight response (our ability to mobilize in the face of threat) and our ability to think. However, our thinking is not a neutral computing apparatus. Our thinking is subject to what cognitive scientists call the negativity bias.

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Acupressure for fertility success…

Acupressure is a very old (about 5,000 years) and widely practiced form of traditional Chinese medicine. Acupressure actually predates acupuncture by about 2,500 years. Acupuncture is practiced with needles, acupressure is practiced with your fingers and thumbs. Acupressure and acupuncture channels circulate blood, nutrients and oxygen throughout the body.

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Take your reproductive power back…

Has your doctor ever told you about the research in mind-body medicine?  Studies have proven acupoint stimulation lowers miscarriage and ectopic pregnancies by 50%, increases live birth rates by 60-90%, increases the uterine lining by up to 1- 4 mm and increases IVF success rates by up to 40%. Studies have also proven that stress reduction enhances pregnancy rates by 55% and that reducing the depression associated with fertility challenges increases the chance of live birth with an IVF cycle by 93%.

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The ANTIDOTE to stress!

The relaxation response, discovered by the inspirational author and Harvard cardiologist, Dr. Herbert Benson, M.D., represents a hard-wired antidote to the fight or flight response. The relaxation response is a set of integrated physiological changes that are elicited when you engage in a repetitive mental activity while being mindful.

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What women really want to hear!

One of the most challenging aspects of fertility challenges over the holidays is how isolating and lonely it can feel. All around you, friends and family are preparing for their celebrations. And sending you their family holiday cards. You feel alone just waiting and hoping for your turn, opening everyone else’s joyful photos.

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The Key to Fertile Health is Different than you might THINK!

Do you ever feel like you just aren’t sure if what you are doing regarding your fertility is helping? You’ve changed your eating habits, invested in acupuncture, maybe tried and IUI or an IVF cycle but still you are not pregnant. And your mind quite naturally feels confused believing there is something wrong, working on overdrive to discover what it is because your experience is “abnormal” and if you live by the medical definition, “infertile.”

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The Fertile Act of Thanks Giving

This week I want to take a moment to talk about gratitude. As we approach Thanksgiving in the United States, we are confronted with a global violence crisis and a domestic fertility crisis that have me reflecting on how crucial it is now, more than ever, to incorporate mindfulness into our modern lives; for the sake of our yet to be born children, for the world’s children, for ourselves, our fertile health and for an increasingly violent, disconnected and destructive global community.

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Optimize fertility by changing your brain

A landmark study published in 2008, based on the Harvard Nurses Study, makes startling connections between diet and conception. As the most comprehensive research to date on diet and fertility, this study associates a slow carb, whole food, mostly plant based diet with a six-fold increase in fertility.

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When we exit the ALIVENESS of our vulnerability.

While the specific ways we practice aggression toward our embodied experience while trying to conceive are many, they generally fall into two categories, corresponding to our early attachment histories.

1. We come to fertility challenges specializing in avoiding, denying, suppressing, and repressing our vulnerabilities – by engaging in numbing activities or by weaving narratives of blame and victimhood, and how something is wrong with us.

Or,

2. We come to fertility challenges urgently and frenetically seeking relief from our vulnerability through a very anxious engagement with others and the world; mainly the medical system.

We all know what it’s like to engage in behavior designed to get us out of very vulnerable states of being, but we can also discover that the quickest and most reliable way to get relief from our vulnerability is to start THINKING.

In a fraction of a second, we can dissociate from our present, embodied experience and spin the most seductive tale about what has happened, about how fair or unfair it is, about why we are “infertile,” about who is to blame, about what it all means, and about how something is wrong with us.

Before we know it, we have lost contact with the precious reality of our tender, raw, vulnerable bodies – and have begun to start thinking ‘about’ our experience rather than actually ‘having’ it.

We think that by thinking we are creating opportunities for healing, but abandoning our embodied experience is never healthy.

If we will practice being mindful, get very curious, and cultivate the desire to know what is true more than anything, we may start to discover that abandoning ourselves, shaming and blaming ourselves, and exiting the aliveness of intense states of vulnerability may be seen as the ultimate act of self-aggression.

Self-aggression is not bad or wrong or evidence of our failure or “infertility,” it is simply out-of-date and inefficient.

It was the best way we learned to care for ourselves as young children – to weave stories in the attempt to make meaning when our needs were not being met, when we were not being seen or mirrored by our parents.

The Mindful Fertility Project helps you reverse this cycle of turning away from yourself and offer yourself the gift of self-kindness.

The meditations will help you stay close to your embodied vulnerability at this time.

The practices will help you turn toward yourself, your body, life and God and end the unkind activity of self-abandonment in all its forms.

We do not need our narratives of interpretation, shame, and blame to protect us any longer from our own hearts.

We can take the risk required to love ourselves so deeply that we will do anything to stay, to not abandon ourselves any longer, and to no longer blame others, ourselves, our bodies and the world for our experience, for our feelings of aloneness, grief, abandonment and fear.

It is the ultimate act of self-kindness to stay close to your embodied vulnerability, to withdraw the projections of an unhealthy body, cruel world and ‘bad me,’ and to recognize the majesty of what you are. It is a simple path, in many ways, but not an easy one.

It is the path of love and it is what you are trying to conceive.

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Letter From a Skeptic

Dear Buffy,
A friend recommended I look into “mindfulness” to help with our infertility diagnosis and our upcoming IVF cycle. This is my 6th IVF. I have a few questions.

I guess I just don’t understand how mindfulness can help me get pregnant. My husband has no sperm and nothing I think or feel or connect with my body is going to change that. How could our infertility happen because of stress in our lives? My husband isn’t more stressed than most guys, and most guys don’t have any problems with their sperm counts. How come this is happening to us?

Also, my main source of stress is trying to get pregnant! Before we started trying to get pregnant, I wasn’t overly stressed at all! Now, there is an endless stream of appointments with doctors, and phone calls with the insurance, and blood tests early in the morning before rushing to work, and the invasive trans-vaginal ultrasounds, and the constant waiting and waiting – waiting for results, waiting to for my period to start, waiting for an answer, waiting for another appointment, waiting in line, waiting on the phone. I feel like my whole life is just being on hold. Everyone around us seems to be having babies and moving along, but we are stuck waiting. Before we started our IVF, I thought the needles would be the worst part, but now I know the worst part is even worse than all the needles in the world. The worst part is the wait.

So, how exactly can mindfulness help us? Can mindfulness improve my husband’s sperm count? Can mindfulness make the waiting shorter? Can mindfulness guarantee that this IVF cycle will work and will bring us the baby we’ve been waiting so long for? I have a hard time believing that a series of meditations can make any of that happen.

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Fertility from the Inside Out

I took my son to see his first feature film last week. We saw, “Inside Out,” the latest Disney/Pixar collaboration. If you haven’t seen it already – go! It is a psychotherapist’s wet dream. But more than that – it is an essential emotional road map for those struggling to make sense of their inner world. What I love is that Disney/Pixar consulted with the Greater Good Science Center’s founding faculty director, Dacher Keltner, to make sure the film’s essential messages about emotion are consistent with scientific research.

And they ARE!

Without bogging the film down, the psychological insights enliven the main character who is struggling to make a big life transition.

With humor and tenderness, Inside Out shows us how difficult emotions like sadness, fear and anger can be extremely uncomfortable for people to experience – which is why many of us go to great lengths to avoid them.

Sound familiar?

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Humility, not Perfection on the Road to Fertility

The desire to get everything “right” while trying to conceive, although completely understandable, is incredibly stressful. We believe when we get it all “right” we will conceive.
However, after decades of research and practice in assisted reproduction; IUI, IVF, sperm donation or egg donation is not a guarantee of pregnancy. Something about conception, birth and death makes it clear that even when conditions are physiologically “perfect,” we cannot manufacture a life. Conception is an excellent reminder that we are more than a collection of body parts.

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RECENT ARTICLES


A Despair That Is Whole

On your journey to conceive you have no doubt become aware of at least one or two waves of despair rising and falling within you. At times you feel down, hopeless, uninspired and unable to find any meaning.

There is absolutely nothing wrong …

Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your desire for a child. It’s so human, to have some yearning in the heart, some longing for connection, to be met in presence, to be seen, to be heard, to be touched, to be held and to hold.

Brain Science and Optimal Fertile Health

Let’s talk about the brain again. We know from the findings in neuroscience that the mental and emotional changes we can create through mindfulness are transformational at the very physical level of the brain. By developing the ability to focus our attention on our internal experience in the Mindful Fertility meditations, we are picking up a scalpel we can use to re-sculpt our neural pathways, stimulating growth of areas of the brain that are crucial to mental health and fertility.

The Healing Power of Heartbreak

When I began my work with Dr. Smikle, Reproductive Endocrinologist and Medical Director at Laurel Fertility Care, in SF, California, I felt the impulse to try to find the culprit, to try to fix “infertility” for men and women trying to conceive.

Learn how to set powerful intentions for 2017

In 1978, the year the first IVF baby was born, subjective experience was considered irrelevant in medicine. Now we know that what we do with our mind changes the health of our body; more specifically, the action and structure of our brain. And it is our brain that governs the complex task of reproduction.

Time Travel, Resistance and the Here and Now

Just before the New Year, I asked my subscriber’s this question, “What would you have to feel if you gave up the hope of love coming in the future this New Year?” Many responded to this question with resistance. I was touched by their incredible awareness.

Thinking vs Mindfulness

I follow a lot of fertility blogs.

 One of the most consistent themes I notice is a discussion about “mindset.” 

 Which inevitably boils down to, “SHIFT your mindset and miracles happen.”

 Think positive, in other words.

 Have you tried thinking positive while trying to conceive? 

It is like a Chinese finger trap. Our immediate, automatic reaction to any unpleasant experience is to set up a goal – to avoid the experience, to push it away, to get rid of it, or to fix it. This includes positive thinking. This reaction is called aversion. Aversion underlies all the thinking patterns that get us stuck in unwanted emotions while trying to conceive.

Unconditional Love and A Child Named Infertility

I encourage you to approach “infertility” as you would a young child; as an act of unconditional love. I’m talking about living a life while trying to conceive that is driven by gratitude more than by fear. This is a very good way to become a Mother or become anything, really, that calls to your heart and brings you to life.

Inner Holding & Acceptance this Thanksgiving

A short video to express my gratitude for you on this day of Thanksgiving. May YOUR seat at the holiday table be a place of inner holding and acceptance this year.

Do you suffer from pelvic pain or endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a common and painful condition in which cells from the lining of your uterus (endometrium) relocate outside your uterus and attach themselves to other organs – your fallopian tubes, ovaries and the tissue lining your pelvis.

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Sign Up for Our FREE 3-Step Pregnancy Success Program

Step 1: Nutrition (Natural Treatment Protocols for 7 Hormonal Conditions)

Step 2: Self Acupressure & Yoga (4 Instructional Videos to Thicken the Uterine Lining)

Step 3: Mindfulness Meditation (2 Audio Meditations to Reduce Stress and Depression)

Click here to get started

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