In mindfulness practice, we befriend the body.
We develop a scientific willingness to look at our bodies as if for the first time. And not know so much about them.
You see the “knowing” of awareness has a lot to do with “not knowing.” We know that we don’t know. That is what most scientists hope to cultivate because it is only when we reach the limits of what we know that we have a chance of moving into the domain of the not-knowing which is the place that contributes something that has never been seen or felt, measured, realized or perceived before.
We are all capable of that which has not yet been realized. We are living, miraculous beings. From Jon Kabat-Zinn, “there is so much more right with us than wrong with us – no matter what is wrong with us.”
When our body is not producing a child and we roll out the red carpet and we change our relationship to those actualities in our life – all of a suddenly we are a lot bigger than our “infertility.”
The poets understand this. We are not who we think we are. We are much bigger. But a lot of times we have very diminished views of ourselves while trying to conceive.
The Mindful Fertility process is an invitation to cultivate a friendly relationship with our body – an intimacy. It is relational, so we befriend the body whether we like it or not. We befriend it as it is.
Whether the baby is coming or not, we work at befriending the body without needing it to change.
When we practice mindfulness we are not fixing the body.
This is radically different from medicine. And medicine itself is realizing it has to change and not merely be into fixing.
Healing is very, very different than fixing.
Healing is allowing the organism, the body-mind come to terms with the way things are … and then things change in profoundly meaningful ways. Meaningful ways that no one could ever tell you about. You have to discover or uncover them yourself with your own willingness to engage, to practice.
From David Whyte, “To become deeply silent is not to become still, but to become tidal and seasonal, a coming and going that has its own inimitable, essential character, a story not fully told.”
You are a story not fully told.
The need you may have to reach the final destination “at all costs” while trying to conceive is really a defense against the un-processed pain within you, within your body.
The idea of a “final destination” is really just a postponement of facing our pain.
Wanting to skip over or avoid the painful parts, by fixing, is actually a projection of the child within who wants someone to rescue them from pain.
So instead of going inward to heal, we project our fertile power outward onto doctors and methods.
In our patriarchal culture, there is the illusion that there’s safety in living life “from the neck-up.”
Women are encouraged in covert and overt ways to push aside our deeper, complex experiences. It’s what Bethany Webster calls a belief that relief is in “away.” It’s the belief that we can push uncomfortable things aside and out of sight in order to be free of them. Whether it’s making ovulation go “away” with the pill or freezing eggs “away” until it’s time. It’s the deeper belief that fertility, wholeness and purpose are possible in denial.
Relief from pain comes from opening to pain.
For many of us, our bodies have served as a place we have stashed our biggest hurts. Opening to our bodies can be scary because we know that the hurt is in there. To the child within, there may be a fear that opening to the old pain will only bring more pain. But the truth is that the opening to pain is ultimately where the healing lies. Staying present to our own pain is part of mothering ourselves and gives us the experience that we are bigger and more powerful than any symptom.
In order to give birth a woman consciously opens to a painful experience in her body. As we become increasingly mindful, increasingly present, we are consciously opening to the pain of our emotional wounds so that they can be transformed into new life. In that wide openness, we can see that pain consciously experienced has a liberating power to awaken us to the deeper truth of who we are.
I hope you’ll join us.