A PLACE TO EXPLORE IDEAS
AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS
Step 1: Nutrition (Natural Treatment Protocols for 7 Hormonal Conditions)
Step 2: Self Acupressure & Yoga (4 Instructional Videos to Thicken the Uterine Lining)
Step 3: Mindfulness Meditation (2 Audio Meditations to Reduce Stress and Depression)
A Despair That Is Whole
On your journey to conceive you have no doubt become aware of at least one or two waves of despair rising and falling within you.
At times you feel down, hopeless, uninspired and unable to find any meaning.
Everyone around you is announcing pregnancies and you are thinking…
What is wrong with me?
There is a deeply embedded cultural fantasy that you shouldn’t feel depressed, that this sort of downheartedness while trying to conceive is a clear sign that you are doing something wrong, that you have failed and are flawed in some fundamental way.
I mean, a “spiritual” person wouldn’t feel depressed, right?
We seem to be quite confused about this.
But what if this despair were a legitimate experience?
What if in the totality of what you are, a wave or a period of “unhappiness” is just as authentic and genuine as a wave of “happiness?”
Love not only takes the form of flow, birth and so called “positive” feelings, but at times as the activity of death and deflation, reorienting old narratives so rebirth can occur.
This cycle is the essence of creativity!
And appears to be non-negotiable on the path of the heart and of becoming who you truly are.
While we don’t get to choose what exactly dances within us, we have some choice as to whether we will willingly participate – whether we greet each reality with self-aggression or kindness, whether we will dare to see death and deflation not as mistakes but as potential opportunities, even if we cannot, at this time, understand their guidance.
To open to life does not require that we like what is happening, love it, or even “accept” it.
It means that whether we like it or not, we take a moment to turn toward it and open to the possibility that it is purposeful.
What if this diagnosis, this pain, is intelligent and a forerunner of new life not an expression of pathology but of a non-conventional sort of grace?
This mindset shift is an essential part of what I teach you in The Mindful Fertility Journal.
All my very best, always,
Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your desire for a child. It’s so human, to have some yearning in the heart, some longing for connection, to be met in presence, to be seen, to be heard, to be touched, to be held and to hold.
Let’s talk about the brain again. We know from the findings in neuroscience that the mental and emotional changes we can create through mindfulness are transformational at the very physical level of the brain. By developing the ability to focus our attention on our internal experience in the Mindful Fertility meditations, we are picking up a scalpel we can use to re-sculpt our neural pathways, stimulating growth of areas of the brain that are crucial to mental health and fertility.
When I began my work with Dr. Smikle, Reproductive Endocrinologist and Medical Director at Laurel Fertility Care, in SF, California, I felt the impulse to try to find the culprit, to try to fix “infertility” for men and women trying to conceive.
In 1978, the year the first IVF baby was born, subjective experience was considered irrelevant in medicine. Now we know that what we do with our mind changes the health of our body; more specifically, the action and structure of our brain. And it is our brain that governs the complex task of reproduction.
Just before the New Year, I asked my subscriber’s this question, “What would you have to feel if you gave up the hope of love coming in the future this New Year?” Many responded to this question with resistance. I was touched by their incredible awareness.
I follow a lot of fertility blogs. One of the most consistent themes I notice is a discussion about “mindset.” Which inevitably boils down to, “SHIFT your mindset and miracles happen.” Think positive, in other words. Have you tried thinking positive while trying to conceive? It is like a Chinese finger trap. Our immediate, automatic reaction to any unpleasant experience is to set up a goal – to avoid the experience, to push it away, to get rid of it, or to fix it. This includes positive thinking. This reaction is called aversion. Aversion underlies all the thinking patterns that get us stuck in unwanted emotions while trying to conceive.